Do money fights frequently occur in your marriage? Does it seem like both of you are worlds apart when it comes to financial matters? Money is responsible for tension in many marriages today. In fact most marriage experts highlight money as the second most important reason marriages fail.
Think back a bit to your dating and courtship days. Usually boy meets girl, woos and courts her. Girl finally says yes and a whirlwind romance ensues. They eventually marry and all hell breaks loose. Arguments and money fights suddenly become the order of the day, thus putting pressure on the union. This sometimes ends in divorce court or a seriously unhappy marriage.
What if boy and girl understood what situations could cause them to fight over money? This would have caused them to act in ways unable to cause tension in the home. Here are, in my experience several scenarios that causes married couples to have money fights:
Scenario 1 – When girl earns more money than boy
Many men are not ready to cede the responsibility of being the breadwinner to their spouses. This is a no-no especially in Africa where the role of breadwinner is the man’s traditionally. In fact many men believe that women who earn more cannot be submissive. In order to avoid quarreling girl should take care not to lord it over boy in her words and deeds. Be tactful when it comes to paying bills by allowing boy to pay with your card in public.
Scenario 2 – Boy is unemployed
This is the most challenging situation any marriage can face. Boy sitting at home while girl brings home the money. Both parties need to exhibit maturity and understanding when going through this phase. Boy must understand the efforts girl is making to put food on the table. He must get employed as soon as possible. Girl should not nag, complain or lord it over her husband.
Scenario 3 – Girl is a full-time housewife and asks boy for money to meet all her needs
In this case girl requests for money all the time. She cannot handle anything that requires money by herself. She demands boy pay for everything. One day he is under pressure due to girl’s demands and an argument erupts. This leads to girl resorting to inflating household expenses to get extra to spend on herself. It’s best that every partner in a marriage earns something. This minimizes making too many demands. Boy should also exhibit maturity as the sole breadwinner.
Scenario 4 – Boy spends on his friends and family, neglecting to help girl’s family members
Any spouse that spends on his family,while neglecting his partner’s family will see the other side of her. Girl resorts to money fights because she feels boy is not taking a balanced approach to helping family members. This can be resolved once boy extends the hand of support to his spouse’s family as well. Boy should support and invest in his wife’s siblings in the interest of peace.
Scenario 5 – Boy decides to shield his earnings from girl
There are many men who prefer for their spouses to be ignorant of their earnings. They erroneously believe that the women might make unrealistic demands once they know what their spouse takes home. A good marriage however is one where boy and girl do not hide things from each other. It’s best to be open on this issue. Explain with good reason to your spouse when you are unable to meet her demands.
Scenario 6 – Boy takes a loan from girl and conveniently forgets to pay back.
Actually, this situation can happen to anyone. Don’t take a loan from your partner if you do not have the intention of repaying. I know that husband and wife have become one, however that oneness might not extend to finances. This usually leads to serious money fights. Always endeavor to pay your spouse back promptly.
Scenario 7 – When Boy and Girl contemplate keeping their money jointly
Keeping money in a joint account may bring tension into a marriage. While I see the need for both boy and girl to keep their money together, there are numerous challenges doing this. For instance, do both parties have to sign to access the funds? In my view it is best to keep savings in a joint account. Each partner should keep his or her spending money in a separate account.
Scenario 8 – How do boy and girl handle financial windfall?
Consider a situation where the couple suddenly comes into a windfall. This could start a money fight because one party wants to splurge while the other wants to save and invest. Both parties should debate and decide how best to spend the money. One solution could be to invest 70% and blow 30%.
In conclusion there are probably many more scenarios that can lead to serious money fights. Thankfully with the right information many can be avoided. It all boils down to acting with maturity and understanding because both partners have differing beliefs about money. In addition communication and love are both extremely key. Both partners should strive to deploy a healthy mix of all these elements and end money fights in their union. If both partners work towards the same objective in their marriage then their union will be successful.